The Most Essential Steps for Coping with Life Transitions
It doesn’t matter who you are – you’ve probably gone through at least one life transition in the last year alone. They don’t always have to be “big” for them to be significant. If we define life transitions as act or event that changes the course of your life, they can look several different ways. Some examples of a life transition might be:
reaching a milestone in age
moving to a new city
paying off a debt
starting college
making a career change
having a baby
attending your first therapy session
ending a long-term relationship
Regardless of what kind of transition(s) you are in, life transitions are always going to happen. The question is: What makes them so hard to cope with? Let’s explore a few reasons why.
Life transitions can be unexpected.
Changes will happen that are beyond your control, and you’re left with the aftermath – for better or worse. It doesn’t change the reality that you can hardly predict the death of a loved one. You may not have anticipated the loss of your job and need to provide for your family. Unexpected life transitions can leave you feeling like you’ve taken steps backward, making it harder to move forward.
2. Life transitions can be lonely.
You would be hard-pressed to find someone who has lived the exact same life you have. Maybe it’s your first time living on your own. You might be the newest member of the neighborhood or the youngest staff member at your new job. When you look around, it feels like you can’t relate to others with what you’re going through. You find yourself isolating rather than seeking out support. The loneliness of transitions causes us to question if it would be easier to deal with things ourselves and just hope for the best.
3. Life transitions can be time-consuming.
When preparing for a life transition, like a move, the work going into it can be as stressful as the transition itself. These stressors could make you wonder whether the transition will be worth it in the long run. Things may seem unstable because you feel like you’re straddling two things at once – the present and the inevitable future. Trying to cope with the balancing act can be extremely uncomfortable. Trying to come up with a solution, you may be tempted to take shortcuts and compromise to make the discomfort of the stress come to an end.
So where do you start with coping with these transitions? We can start by asking ourselves a few questions to help determine where we might need the most help.
What is happening during this transition?
Take a moment to identify what is going on. One of the most important things to determine is the difference between the things that are within or outside of your control. Consider what things about your situation are unavoidable. These things are likely not going to change no matter what you do. Next, consider what things you can do, even if the situation itself doesn’t change. When you have a clear picture of what is going on, you’re able to get a better grasp of your next action step and manage your expectations.
2. Who is my support system in this transition?
Think about the people who are in your life. Who are the ones that have been with you in a similar transition like the one you’re in now? What strengths and skills did they have to walk you through it? It can be easy to immediately think of family members and friends as the first line of support. However, your support system may consist of people like – your therapist, a layperson, a professor, or someone else in your life who has provided guidance that you respect.
3. What do I know about myself in how I handle change?
When you practice self-awareness, you’re being mindful of your capacity. Imagine the times in your life where you knew you were not doing well. What were the things that impacted the way you felt? Your capacity is based on your ability to function in a healthy way without over-extending yourself. What you need is as important as having a response to the transition you are going through. It could be as simple as getting enough sleep or making sure you spend time outside. Tuning in to what you need, and knowing what is best for you, will help you make decisions and go through the transition with a sound mind.
4. What are the best ways for me to cope?
If you read this and think to yourself, “Well I don’t know how I cope with transitions,” answer this: What are the things I turn to when I am stressed, discouraged, or overwhelmed? Even if a life transition is expected, it doesn’t mean that all the things that are changing don’t affect us.
You may not even realize that you’re responding to the transition in an unhealthy way. Your methods of coping could be a habit you’re used to. If you notice you’re coping skills are unhealthy (i.e. they put you in harm’s way, are draining your time/energy/resources, or distract you from important things), it may be time to consider some alternatives. Healthy coping skills should encourage your overall well-being and help you process your situations.
When you pause and recognize what is happening, you begin the process of acceptance. You can take the time to grieve what was lost. You can remember the time that was good. As much as life transitions can be challenging to deal with, we can still acknowledge how they benefit our lives and influence our future.
Life transitions can bring opportunities to grow.
Think about some of the lessons you’ve learned over the years. While you were in the middle of learning them, there were probably moments when you were convinced that something was more than you could handle. At times, transitions can make you believe they are only happening to you, and there is nothing you can do about it. Yet you would not be who you are today without those challenges. Whether it was problem-solving, learning to ask for help, or having to adapt to something unfamiliar, you found creative ways to thrive.
2. Life transitions can connect us with new people.
You can learn a lot from the experiences of the people around you. Oftentimes, you might find yourself being comfortable with the people you know simply because you’ve known them a long time. However, the people you do life with also drastically change how you go through things as they come. They may offer ideas you never thought of, and even offer support and resources when in times of need. When you take the time to pursue and receive from new relationships, you get fresh perspectives of your situation.
4. Life transitions can reveal what matters most.
A life transition might require you to let go of things. These things may not always be “bad” or harmful to you; but simply can’t come with you because of the transition itself. You’ll have to let some of your possessions go if you’re moving across the country. You won’t get to keep in touch with all your friends when you graduate from college. Regardless, whatever or whoever is still with you in this process is the ones that matter.
There is no one-size-fits-all for life transitions. Two people can experience the same situation and take completely different journeys going through them. Life transitions are made of beginnings, in-betweens, and endings. You may find yourself going through all of them at once! Therapy can be a safe, stable, and supportive place to process the transitions you are going through. No matter what you are facing, there is always a way through to the other side of it.
