1 person + 1 person = 2 people except when 1+1= 1.25 or even a bit less. Who you find to date or love and marry or dump or even divorce is a function of who you want to be around and who you become when you’re invested in a relationship. What kind of love can you receive and for how long? What do you expect that partner to do within the context of their relationship to you, and how often are they meeting your needs? When it comes to disappointments and relationship stress (spoiler alert: it is inevitable), then it can be challenging to know when the partnership needs to be re-evaluated (capital R), or if your love story simply needs an overhaul with an eye toward date nights and downtime for connection and listening. 

In this blog, 2 Fleurish psychotherapists offer a few words of insight on finding and adapting with your loved one, whether you’re relying on your own social connections, the wonders of dating app algorithms, or a mix of the two. And remember, your partner might not be known to you at this time. Building yourself up as you embark on your dating scene is a legitimate and important step in growing the love life that you want to have and maintain over time. 

• “Get to know your attachment styles. Learn a little bit about attachment theory so that you can understand more about yourself and your (ideal) partner. Attachment Theory is an area of psychology that can help you learn “powerful tools to promote understanding, increase stability, and build lasting relationships”, according to Annie Chen, LMFT, who is the author of The Attachment Theory Workbook. You can find an online version of the attachment style quiz that is featured within the book and the website includes a link to find the book on Amazon. Moreover, you can subscribe to e-mail updates at the bottom of the web page in order to download a free sample copy of the book that includes many helpful excerpts and insights.”  Matthew Braman, LCSW

• “Look for someone who listens to you every time. Family life can be monotonous. Routines might seem like the thing that is holding you together, but I advise that sometimes routines just keep us on the hamster wheel of working, paying bills, and seeming functional. If you’re going to get serious with someone, pick a person who finds your point of view fundamentally valuable and worth listening to, whether you’re asking about the water bill or planning a romantic get-away. In the end, each interaction matters just a little bit.” Laura McMaster, LMFT

Relationships thrive when each person involved is capable of her own self-reflection coupled with real insight into who her partner is and how she is best supported and loved. In this blog, we hope you’ve found some tips on thinking about yourself as an individual and as a partner. The balance between those two roles is tricky to attempt, much less master. Take the time you need to know yourself and know your partner even better by talking out your needs on your own or with the help of a couples’ therapist. 

If you are looking for a couples counselor check out Fleurish’s here: