“Life is ten percent what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to it.”

— Dorothy M. Neddermeyer 

Low self-esteem. Insecurity. They happen to every person at some point in their life. Even that one person who seems to be so comfortable in their own skin has, at some point, felt insecure. Even though everyone has insecurities, it is important that they don’t get in the way of your happiness and everyday functioning. Severe insecurity can lead to issues in romantic relationships, friendships, and the relationship you have with yourself. The good thing is that you have the power to overcome these feelings.  

Here is a list of habits you can incorporate into your everyday life to help improve your self-esteem:

1. THINK OF AT LEAST 6 THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF, BOTH PHYSICALLY (3) AND PERSONALITY-WISE (3) 

"Affirmations are a powerful tool to deliberately install desired beliefs about yourself." -- Nikki Carnevale 

Look at yourself in the mirror or think about what you look like. Name at least three things that you like about your appearance. For example, “I like how my hair looks when I style it a certain way” or “I like how my eyes look in the sunlight.” Now think about three aspects of your personality that you are proud of. Examples: “I am smart, especially in chemistry,” “I am dependable,” “I am a good friend.” Remind yourself what you are proud of each day, especially when you are feeling down.  

2. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE 

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” 
– Tennessee Williams 

Do you feel a weird sense of uneasiness when you are around certain people? People you might even call friends? This could be a sign that they do not have your best interests at heart. Try to notice when you start to feel down about yourself. Is it because someone is constantly putting you down or dismissing your feelings or ideas? If you realize someone is treating you like this, bring it to their attention and let them know how their comments make you feel. If there is still tension, think about distancing yourself from this person and make friends with people who build you up instead of tearing you down.  

3. STOP THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS 

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” -- Louise L. Hay 

Every time you think a negative thought about yourself, remember the six things you are proud of. Each time you have a negative thought, think of a positive one to counteract it. For example, if you think, “Wow, I got stood up on this date. No one ever wants to date me.” Think instead: “I don’t need undependable people like that in my life. I deserve better, and it was for the better. Since I’m already here, I’ll get some food for myself.” Challenge yourself to find the positive outcome of every bump in the road. It is possible to find a positive in any situation, and I mean any. 

4. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS 

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt 

Whenever you compare yourself to other people in a negative way, ask yourself how comparing yourself to them affects you. Does it make you feel good? Probably not. Remind yourself that what people present to the world, especially on social media, does not show the full picture. Remember that you are responsible for your emotional responses to things. If one of your former classmates gets a great new job, but you just got turned down from one, don’t let that deter you from trying again. Rarely do people broadcast the obstacles they went through to get to where they are. So when you see someone announce a new job, college acceptance, or engagement, accept how that makes you feel, but don’t let it affect the progress you are trying to make in your own life.  

5. WEAR SOMETHING YOU FEEL ATTRACTIVE IN 

“I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome.” -- Anonymous  

Do you have a favorite dress, hat, or shoes? Wear something that makes you look and feel good about yourself. It doesn’t matter if your best friend doesn’t like it or your significant other says they like you in something different. If you like it and feel comfortable in it, wear it! Even if you fake your confidence at first, practicing will help you eventually feel a genuine sense of confidence.  

6. ENGAGE IN ACTIVITIES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD AT SOMETHING 

“With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” – Dalai Lama 

If you know you are good at soccer, join a neighborhood or work soccer team. If you enjoy painting, get some art supplies and make painting a part of your weekly routine. Sometimes, doing something that comes more easily to us can elicit feelings of achievement without the stress of learning something new. Teach a friend how to do something you are good at. This way, you are helping someone else as well as improving your own abilities.  

7. MOVE YOUR BODY

“Have confidence that if you have done a little thing well, you can do a bigger thing well too.” – David Storey 

This does not mean you have to sign up for an intense CrossFit class (unless, of course, you want to). This can mean taking your dog for a short walk down the street or walking up the stairs at work instead of taking the elevator. I’m not going to lie; exercising is very hard to start, especially when you have been sedentary for a while. The important thing is that you get off the couch. Exercising not only helps you become healthier physically, but it releases endorphins that make you feel better physiologically.   

Therapy is a great way to voice your insecurities in a confidential setting and talk about some ways that you can improve your thought processes. If you are interested in talking to a therapist about how to become a more positive thinker, feel free to reach out to us to schedule a phone call.